Witness For The Defence, Sunderland AFC Edition
A contrite Anth ‘M’Lord’ Gair offers his apologies to the good folks that Sunderland may have wound up this season…
SUNDERLAND, ENGLAND - AUGUST 16: A detailed view of a tifo displayed by fans of Sunderland during the Premier League match between Sunderland and West Ham United at Stadium of Light on August 16, 2025 in Sunderland, England. (Photo by Rob Newell - CameraSport via Getty Images) | CameraSport via Getty Images Dear Premier League: An Open Apology From Sunderland AFC , Before the final ball of our first season back is kicked on Sunday afternoon, Sunderland AFC would like to take a moment — with characteristic Wearside humility — to issue a formal apology for the 2025/26 campaign. In our defence: we didn’t mean to do any of it.
Alan Shearer had us going straight back down; the bookmakers had us as red-hot favourites for relegation, which is generous shorthand for “lads, get the parachute ready”, and yet here we are, ninety minutes from a European spot and having to confess to the following specific offences. We are, sincerely, very sorry. Offence #1: “Opening week disrespect ” On 16 August, the very first weekend of the season, we beat West Ham 3-0 at home.
Robin Roefs kept a clean sheet on his debut. Eliezer Mayenda (he hates Sam Fender) headed in from an Omar Alderete cross, Dan Ballard then arrived at the back post, and Wilson Isidor put the gloss on it in stoppage time. We accept that the correct etiquette for a promoted side is a polite single-goal defeat; a “good effort, lads” headline, and a quiet sit down at the bottom of the table.
Instead we got three points off a top half side and never gave them back. Sorry, Hammers. Offence #2: “Aggravated theft at Stamford Brid ge” On 25 October, we travelled to West London and absconded with all three points.
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