NHL Playoffs: teams who must win the Cup
Maybe someday we’ll have some meaningful time together. | Getty Images Whenever the Islanders miss the postseason (which is a lot), on one level I’m able to enjoy the spectacle and intensity of the Stanley Cup playoffs in a different way, free of the exhausting emotional investment and baggage that comes with talking yourself into how they might go far while watching them ultimately get eliminated. Watching the playoffs without a rooting interest is like getting to watch the melodrama of Real Housewives of Whatever Shithole Plastic Surgery County instead of actually living it because you married poorly.
However, a postseason without the Islanders is not completely free of emotional investment. I’m never truly free until every team I hate is safely eliminated. This year, that’s a little easier since several franchises I loathe did not qualify.
But there are still teams to pull for, or root against. This post is mostly an excuse to ask the readership: Who are you pulling for in these playoffs? — so please let us know in comments, and feel free to skip the Player Haters Ball listing that follows, knowing that I just have to get it off my chest.
The Teams That Must Not Win (and won’t anyway) Philadelphia Flyers The Flyers made the playoffs?!? This really is humiliating. True, the Flyers’ Cup drought is even longer than…every other non-Leafs team that has ever won the Cup, but still…no.
Pittsburgh Penguins They’ll never admit it, but the 1980s Penguins with Mario Lemieux were essentially seen the same way the 2009-12 Islanders with John Tavares were: “Oh, man, it’s such a shame that they’re so terrible and wasting his career for six seasons and counting. ” In order to win a couple of Cups — but only two, because Al Arbour > Scotty Bowman, teehee — the Penguins needed to miss the playoffs for seven out of eight years, luck into Jaromir Jagr instead of Scott Scissons, and inadvertently fleece the Whalers in a John Cullen-for-Ron Francis swap because they sought Ulf Samuelsson’s dirtiness toughness. So they have done virtually nothing brilliant as a franchise, other than luck into a shit-ton of great players in between lengthy tanks.
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