There’s only one appropriate response to the way the Red Sox have started the 2026 season

Apr 5, 2026; Boston, Massachusetts, USA; San Diego Padres second baseman Jake Cronenworth (9) tags Boston Red Sox center fielder Ceddanne Rafaela (3) out during the seventh inning at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Eric Canha-Imagn Images | Eric Canha-Imagn Images This isn’t a cop-out blog. I truly feel this way.

I could sit here and give you fancy-dancy analysis, couldn’t I? I have done that before and I will do so again. I don’t think a 2-7 Red Sox start calls for that type of article, though.

I’ve also done this crashout before. Dan Secatore, my fearless leader, has OK’d this before. I feel like I can only pull this move out every few years.

Maybe to the uninitiated this type of prose is seen as juvenile, but I feel like I might be speaking for the masses here. The only other time I’ve done so: August 2023 . Not a good year for the Red Sox, perhaps, but I dunno what 2023 me was complaining about.